There is a misconception that stay-at-home parents are on some kind of permanent vacation. The assumption is often just because they don’t enroll somewhere, it means they don’t have a full-time job. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Taking care of children can be very tiring and sometimes you need to rest. Having a partner who is in a true partnership and acknowledging that it’s a big deal.
One woman posted on the AITA forum Reddit to talk about her husband and his lack of support. She was at home all day caring for her toddler and repairing her home on weekends.
The original poster, also known as the OP, wanted her husband to help her and do some things around the house. Instead, she chose to sleep instead of pulling her weight, and she surpassed him. He threatened to take his daughter to his office and drive her in the middle of the day if he didn’t start helping her. A big discussion happened, and now he feels a little regretful.
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The OP is immersed in responsibility.
The OP and her husband, both 42, share a daughter. He stayed at home and did it all. Everything from meal planning to cleaning and chopping firewood falls on your feet. She and her husband also bought a top repairman, and she spent her weekends working on it while her husband left with the little guy. He took his daughter in those days to remove his wife’s hair, but he was the one in charge the rest of the time, and he was exhausted.
“It is my husband’s job to wash the dishes and clean the counter every night. Once a week he takes out the garbage, cleans the trash box and takes everything to the sidewalk. Otherwise, make a litter box once a week. He also prepares dinner about twice a week,” she explained.
Her husband did not keep the end of her bargain.
The OP’s husband had become accustomed to sleeping after dinner and taking a nap until midnight or until he woke her up. She was sick of them not spending time together, and unless he woke her up, she didn’t do anything at home. He does his part of the job and keeps track of it. He had tried to talk to her, but it only produced a temporary change, and then everything returned to normal.
“A few days ago I went to the bathroom at 2am and realized that I was sleeping on the couch, nothing was done. I lost him and yelled at him that if he didn’t stop falling asleep after dinner, he would drop off our toddler at work in the middle of the day. She became very angry and then did her homework. We have avoided each other ever since,” he wrote.
Now he wondered if he should have let go.
There are many different opinions about Reddit.
First, some people think the OP is wrong. He was a SAHM, and his full-time job was home. “It’s really their job to take care of the house. Should you be better than waking up your husband at 2am? You sound beautiful to be around,” one person wrote.
“YTA. If you don’t want to take care of your child because of too much stress, tell your husband to exchange places with you. He can be a stay-at-home parent, and you can be a person who will work,” someone else wrote. “Your threat to leave your child at work makes it seem like you think you’re helping him by watching the child while he’s at work, and you’re not helping him. You’re a SAHM, seeing the child IS your job (literally).”
Others think the OP’s husband is. “NTA. He disrespects you because of his own “comfort”. It’s not a friend, it’s not a father… This is nothing. Please (reconsider) this relationship,” one person wrote.
“NTA, is this guy asleep after only 40/45 hours of work a week? It wasn’t a crazy hour,” another person commented. “He doesn’t do everything he can with family, he can’t just go to work and go home and that’s when all his work ends.”
Many people feel that the whole situation is a nightmare.
There was a camp of decent-sized people who didn’t take sides with any of them and considered the OP and her husband idiots.
“[Everybody smells here.] He needs to learn how to manage his fatigue at the end of the day,” one wrote. “You shouldn’t use empty threats to fix it.”
“ESH. I understand that being a SAHM is exhausting, but threatening to mess up one’s career has never been the answer,” another comment read. “I’m a lawyer and if my spouse decides to leave my son in the middle of the trial, I’ll actually be kicked out of the trial and maybe fired and my client’s case will suffer.”